I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
