You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
