New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
