I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Randomize
