she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
