As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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