That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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