I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You've changed since you got that strap on
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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