I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
