I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
