when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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