I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
