your parents love me but you hate me
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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