The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
