I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
