I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
