barbara walters just said penis...
Too much gin, very little bucket
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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