Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
