What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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