He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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