apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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