I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
