I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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