I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
