Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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