just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
