i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Someone signed my nipple.
I currently don't understand fingers.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize