he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
