God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
