I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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