How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize