I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
