what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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