do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
