oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
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