Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
