Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
