You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
