Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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