Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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