he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Couch. On fire.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
