he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
