i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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