hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
