Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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