I could make wine with my vomit
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Boobs speak an international language.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
