this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Randomize
