I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
