Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
