turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
