she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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