I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My ass is underappreciated
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize