Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
