Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
