it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
