Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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