Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
