She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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