Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
