I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
