Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
