how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
