She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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