it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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