chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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