***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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