can we get nightvision for the apartment?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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