i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
