i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
