how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Are we still banned from the library?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
