You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Is Oprah even human
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Drunk is not a location!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm always down for nudity.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize