If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
