I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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