im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
