Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I had to cum in my sink.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
