Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
this just has baby written all over it
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
